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Let’s briefly analyze what we’ve seen and accept some hard truths.

  1. These jeans are out there, walking around every day, maybe even on you or someone you love!  And yes, they look this bad on everyone.
  2. Clearly – denim is not appropriate for every occasion, as evidenced by the poor husband’s face when he sees what his wife is wearing for Date Night.
  3. If you’re still wondering, “Flat front or pleats?” watch the video again!
  4. The question of the craft vest has also been answered.

They’re a staple of every wardrobe but are jeans about as difficult to shop for as bathing suits?  Sometimes.  The latest jeans employ miraculous tools to camouflage, enhance, sculpt, shrink, and lift your lower half; everything from forward-twisted slimming seams to hidden butt-lifting panels. 

Jeans are the first step to a less dowdy, more youthful, and more versatile wardrobe.  Let me correct that.  The RIGHT jeans are the first step to all that.  Here are some tips to help you find that anti-frumpy, flattering, figure enhancing perfect pair.

  1. Choose a mid-rise jean, also known as regular or medium rise.  (The rise is the distance from the bottom of the crotch, up the zipper, to the top of the waistband.) A mid-rise jean will end just below your navel and is usually the most flattering.  High-rise jeans are the latest trend and can make your legs look miles long. Thankfully, the ultra-low rise trend is fading.
  2. The most versatile jean will be a dark wash trouser jean.  A dark wash is flattering on all figures, and the trouser cut is the most easily dressed up or down.
  3. Avoid cross-hatching, whiskering, and other detailing that draws all eyes to your crotch and adds visual weight to the widest part of your thighs. Check out the fine examples of dark wash trouser jeans below!
  4. Fit your hips - everything else can be tailored.  Waistbands can easily be taken in, legs hemmed and narrowed.  Making sure the jeans fit your hips, without being too tight, will also help you avoid the dreaded muffin top! 
  5. Great denim doesn’t have to come at great cost.  If you find that your jeans soul mate costs a cool couple hundred, then so be it; wear them as much as possible to get your money’s worth.  But start your search at the low end and work your way up.  You’ll probably find that perfect pair at a price point that lets you buy several. 
  6. “Stretch Denim” should never mean “elastic in the waistband!”  It means stretch material woven into the denim itself.  If your waistband has elastic in it, and you’re not pregnant, the jeans are a NO!
  7. Never, ever wear tapered leg jeans.  In fact, never ever wear tapered leg anything!  Do you really want to look like an ice cream cone?  Tapered leg pants create this picture – V – really wide hips and thighs, skinny ankles.  Not a good look. 
  8. Don’t fear buying online.  If, like me, you don’t have time to hit the stores and try on 20 pair, check out the denim search options at your favorite stores.  You can search a combination of rise, wash, cut, inseam length, etc.  And ignore the designer size!  Have your hip measurement handy so that you can accurately find the pair that will fit you best.  The detailed size chart will give the size relative to the hip measurement.

No matter your age or shape, the right jean can be your wardrobe’s best friend.  And once you’ve braved the denim jungle and found a great pair, recycle all your other unflattering ones.  Denim is a long-wearing material with many uses.  Stuff them in your 72-hour kits, repurpose the material, donate them, etc.  Happy hunting!